The Beatles Pick a Twitter Handle:
George Martin: Alright, mates, first of all let me just say how happy I am that we not only managed to convince the four of you to reunite but were also able to bring both John and George back from the dead.
Ringo: It sure was a crazy weekend!
George Martin: Yes, yes it was. Anyway, we’re really excited to get you guys touring again, but as Paul and Ringo…well, as Paul can tell you, anyway, the music business has changed a lot since the 60s.
George Harrison: How so?
George Martin: Well, for one thing, you need a Twitter account now. Luckily, I explained all the boring, technical details concerning what Twitter is and how the internet works yesterday, so there’s no need to get into any of that now. We can skip right ahead to picking your guys’ handle.
Paul: Easy: The Beatles.
George Martin: Perfect. Only it’s already taken.
Paul: Someone took The Beatles? Who the fuck chose “The Beatles” as their Twitter handle?
George Harrison: I’ll bet it was Clapton.
John: Who cares who took it? I say it’s a good thing. We can be more creative now! How about “@?”
Paul: @? As in, “at?” Pray tell, John, why should our Twitter handle be “@?”
John: Think about it: if you’re trying to get in touch with someone on Twitter, you have to type in “@” before their name. So by making our Twitter handle “@,” we’ll be engaging in a form of social criticism about the way we live and communicate in the modern age.
Paul: Oh, wow, John. Of course. That’s totally brilliant.
John: Thank you!
Paul: And, hey, maybe we can even play it on a loop for eight minutes over some vague, inchoate background noises and release it as our first new single! Because that was so well received last time!
John: Oh, fuck off, Paul. Why don’t you go lose our songs’ rights to Michael Jackson again?
Paul: Maybe I will, John. And while I’m doing that, you and Yoko can go cover yourselves in bags! That really helped bring about world peace, didn’t it?
George Harrison: What about The_Real_Shaq?
George Martin: Sorry, that one’s taken, too.
George Harrison: Damn.
Ringo: Hey, how about—
Everyone: No.
Ringo: Yeah, it was a stupid idea.
George Martin: Look, maybe this was the wrong issue to start off the reunion with. There are plenty of other things we need to work on, too. For instance, who do you want to open for you at your first live show in 40 years?
Paul: Michael Bublé.
John: Definitely.
A guinea pig called Sooty went missing from the farm that he lived at. The owners of the farm looked everywhere, but didn't think to look in the female pen until 2 days later. When they found him, he was asleep in a corner. 
